There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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