I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize