Got a toothbrush?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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