Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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