my room smells like sperm. sweet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
