Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
