dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
