This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
