Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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