Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
