I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
