help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i think i just lost a toe
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
