God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
