I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
