a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
