We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this will be a night to untag.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
