so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
