after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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