Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
