How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
