YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
