hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He? As in you personified your dick?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
