So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
