A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
