I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This baby is an asshole
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
