You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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