Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
