i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
