i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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