Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
