Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
