Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
