I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
