he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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