I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
