We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
