ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
