He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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