i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
