I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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