I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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