i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
