Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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