If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
