my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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