i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
