i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
