We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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