i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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