is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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