East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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