well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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