just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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