we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize