when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
