OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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