The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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