Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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