What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
