You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we're making bets on your personal life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
