yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
