i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
