Are we in a gay sports bar?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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