So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
