She went from zero to smokin in five shots
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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