Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
