I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
