I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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