I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
