hotel room ftw
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
