I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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