C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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