I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My balls are so social today.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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